Death is complex although a natural part of living. Complexity lies within the relationships, experiences, loves, losses, memories, accomplishments and enjoyments in life. The complexities are what make death so difficult to cope with. We all understand that death can take any form and can appear at anytime. Deaths can affect every individual of a person's life so differently depending on quality, labels and distances of relationships between people.

I have attended various types of funeral large and extravagant ones to those that are intimate and filled with direct family members. I often find myself wondering the significance of that person's life through influences and imprints that they left on others. I don't particularly believe that you even have to know a person well to know what they have done with their lives. You are able to hear, speak about and view the impressions that they left behind.

My husband told me, "I don't know how to feel." This did not surprise me because he has always been the one to take care of everyone around him, he is unable to view his role in life differently. I asked him, "Who takes care of you when you are feeling down?" He had no answer. This was not because he did not have anyone to take care of him, but it is all that he has known. It is difficult for him to show vulnerability because he is a natural caretaker of others. Death has always been present in his family, but you would never know it from just looking at him. I often envy how he is able to maintain composure when those around him are falling apart. He rarely sheds a tear, although I know he feels pain inside. His emotional conditioning is extraordinary and impressive as I am often an emotional wreck. He is the total opposite of me in career choices, but is exactly  my mirror when it comes to our compassion and empathy for others.

We are both exposed daily to other people's traumas, but would be confident to say that there is nothing we can say to make anyone feel better when they are coping with a passing of a loved one. There is no way that we are able to feel what others are feeling, because everyone has a unique relationship with their deceased loved ones. This relationship cannot be replicated by a substitute or a substance.

The best that we can do is to honor your loved one's lives, validate their relationships and love one another for as long as we are able to. Love extends well pass the physical state of love. It stretches well into memories, diaries, recordings, songs and poems which share the qualities of that special relationship.

Please continue to love respect and validate each other.