Death is complex although a natural part of living. Complexity lies within the relationships, experiences, loves, losses, memories, accomplishments and enjoyments in life. The complexities are what make death so difficult to cope with. We all understand that death can take any form and can appear at anytime. Deaths can affect every individual of a person's life so differently depending on quality, labels and distances of relationships between people.

I have attended various types of funeral large and extravagant ones to those that are intimate and filled with direct family members. I often find myself wondering the significance of that person's life through influences and imprints that they left on others. I don't particularly believe that you even have to know a person well to know what they have done with their lives. You are able to hear, speak about and view the impressions that they left behind.

My husband told me, "I don't know how to feel." This did not surprise me because he has always been the one to take care of everyone around him, he is unable to view his role in life differently. I asked him, "Who takes care of you when you are feeling down?" He had no answer. This was not because he did not have anyone to take care of him, but it is all that he has known. It is difficult for him to show vulnerability because he is a natural caretaker of others. Death has always been present in his family, but you would never know it from just looking at him. I often envy how he is able to maintain composure when those around him are falling apart. He rarely sheds a tear, although I know he feels pain inside. His emotional conditioning is extraordinary and impressive as I am often an emotional wreck. He is the total opposite of me in career choices, but is exactly  my mirror when it comes to our compassion and empathy for others.

We are both exposed daily to other people's traumas, but would be confident to say that there is nothing we can say to make anyone feel better when they are coping with a passing of a loved one. There is no way that we are able to feel what others are feeling, because everyone has a unique relationship with their deceased loved ones. This relationship cannot be replicated by a substitute or a substance.

The best that we can do is to honor your loved one's lives, validate their relationships and love one another for as long as we are able to. Love extends well pass the physical state of love. It stretches well into memories, diaries, recordings, songs and poems which share the qualities of that special relationship.

Please continue to love respect and validate each other.

I have just completed two weeks at my new practicum site. I love every aspect of being a therapist. People always ask me how I am able to hear about children's trauma. Honestly, I would rather do this than any other career. Yes, it is difficult to hear these heart-breaking stories, but I have to realize that I make a positive impact on these lives.

I find it easier to work with children rather than adults, because they are more open to change than adults. The short lives that they have lived has been so tainted with abuse, trauma, substance abuse, neglect and abandonment (through no fault of their own). My ultimate career goal is to be a positive individual in their lives.

I felt nervous and uneasy the first week of practicum, but staff and children did a wonderful job of welcoming my presence. We were asked to read our client's files in order to get to know their history, prior to actually working with them in therapy. There was one child who stood out the most. He had such an unfortunate history of abuse, no family and was a foster child. After meeting him, I wanted to adopt him myself. He was so open to having a positive individual in his life. I assumed that he might be an unhappy child, but he smiled and asked me to help him play a game. Everyday after that initial meeting, I felt a genuine appreciation for what little he had in his life.

I thought about my own life and all of the little things that I was appreciative of. The simple things, such as clothes, supportive friends & family, a home and even a plan for my future are what these children lacked. It broke my heart to hear that some of the children told me that that their future would be in prison. Although, I tried to rationalize it, this sad projection of their lives was what they expected according to their experiences. I desire deeply to change their minds about the positive aspects the world offers. I never want to tell a child that they are limited; rather the possibilities of where their lives lead them are limitless.

I am thankful for the opportunities that have knocked on my door and will do anything I can to answer all calls.

Wish me luck this year!