04/29/09
Frank and I have been waiting patiently for something to happen. This was going to change our lives for the better forever. When I talked to him on the phone after work today, he informed me of bad news. What we were waiting for was not going to happen. I succumbed to too many emotions, anger, frustration, sadness, and hopelessness. All of these feelings engulfed me so much that I began to cry when I drove home. I turned off the radio. All I heard were my thoughts. I was only alone with them. I didn't understand. The million dollar question that would not wash away was, "Why does the higher power screw the deserving hard working people and reward those who are evil and lazy?" At that point I was overwhelmingly angry. I didn't understand why, this always happened.
When I arrived home, Frank was outside getting the mail. Obviously, he knew I was extremely upset. He gave me a huge hug and told me he didn't want to tell me because he knew it would upset me. I ate, cried and went to bed. While I was lying in bed I was thinking about how much we got our hopes up, we thought about our future together with this object which would make us happy. I grew even sadder.
After coming to a conclusion that there was nothing we can do about it, I just let it go. I believe that anything that is worth waiting for would be worth it no matter how long it took to achieve it. I was thinking about how in the news you would hear about poor people winning the lottery. I was thinking about what goes around comes around. I was thinking about how we deserved more than we were handed in life. I was thinking about how our future would look when we had a family. I was thinking about the terrible dreams I've been having. Then I thought about Francisco Javier Castro.
That was when I smiled.That was when my thoughts change. I got out of bed and found him in the living room. I told him that I was okay. That I felt okay, just because this happened, it doesn’t mean that we GOT A RAW DEAL IN LIFE. He and I grew up being very strong influences in our households. I felt that I should not have been mad because he and I worked hard for everything we have achieved in life. We did not have any help from mommy or daddy; nothing was handed down to us on a silver platter. We worked extremely hard for what we have. We were talking about how we will be okay without this object, that it isn't the end of the world and that we will be okay. I stopped crying about this object and my eyes began to swell with tears again, but this time it was not because I was sad, it was because I was extremely HAPPY! I was HAPPY that Frank was in my life, I was HAPPY that I have loving family and friends, I was HAPPY that I still have a job, I was HAPPY that I am almost finished with my Master's degree. I was HAPPY that I had food, a car and a roof over my head. I was HAPPY I had Frankie.
I knew that as long as I had Frankie that everything would be okay. He would never ever allow anything bad to happen to me. For that non-object, I am blessed with what life has given to me although we have struggled to make it perfect, it is as perfect as it can be today. We are good people and I truly believe that we will one day be blessed with many more blessings. We have surrounded ourselves with only the greatest people in the world, there are no fake people. They genuinely mean the world to us. Soon in the future, I know Frankie will give me everything I want, a marriage and a family.
